


Nobody's gonna feel your pain

by lexa1204



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Castiel, Supernatural AU - Freeform, Teacher-Student Relationship, a couple chapters, a little out of character but then it kinda evens out in the end, baby sammy, but not creepy, dean is older than 18 don't worry, it'll all turn out good, it's sad, literally of course the impala is in it, probably won't be that long, zero self confidence in dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 06:26:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 15,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3198830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexa1204/pseuds/lexa1204
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's abusive- Poor eighteen year old Dean ran away with his (very little, three year old) brother, leaving him to struggle his way into life. Rent, work, school, landlords, and fatherhood (according to Sam) slowly creep up on Dean; especially his new found stupid boy-crush on his English teacher, Mr. Novak. But what happens when Mr. Novak begins to see the bruises and faint scars on this quiet boy's skin? What happens when he finds that Dean is forced to be a father to his little three year old brother? What happens when he realizes that this "stupid little crush" happens to be so much more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Is there a right way for how this goes?

Little Sam’s arms were wrapped tightly around Dean’s neck, not letting go. “Daddy,” Dean cringed at the wail and rocked him back and forth. “I don’t wanna go, please.” The begs were heartbreaking and Dean almost got back in his car and drove both of them back to the apartment, but Dean knew he couldn’t do that. 

They both needed him to get over this separation anxiety; and well, he needed a high school education, especially with a little one in the house. 

“Sammy,” Dean whispered gently, forcing Sam to calm down so he could hear the quiet words coming out of his mouth. “You know I have to go to school, and so do you. It’ll only be a couple hours, buddy-” More like eight hours, but the less Sam knew, the better. “-You can be a big boy for Daddy, right?” Sam pulled his face out of Dean’s shoulder and looked up at him with these big crocodile tears and blotchy cheeks. He nodded tearfully, big green eyes showing the internal conflict within him- being a big boy and staying with Daddy. He paused.

“You can play with your friends, and you can go out to recess and have fun and everything like that, right?” Sam nodded again, and Dean finally let the tension roll out of his body. Sam still clutched to Dean’s shirt, but Dean was now able to start moving towards the entrance to the daycare without Sam screaming bloody murder. “We’ll get ice cream after school today, okay?” Sam immediately perked up and smiled at Dean. “Really Daddy?” Sam reached his hand up and set it on Dean’s cheek, messily rubbing a hand through his hair. 

“Yeah, I promise. You ready?” Sam nodded and wiggled out of Dean’s arms, settling for the warmth of just the hand-holding. Dean dropped him off at his classroom with minimal tears, and sighed in relief as he got out of there with just enough time to get to his first period class... Of course, the teachers always had his number to call, but Dean would hope and pray that they wouldn’t. But that was only on the lucky days.

~

Dean generally avoided contact with all people- he would give the occasional nod, maybe a broken smile if he could muster it. The only person he would truly talk to was his long standing friend, Charlie Bradbury, but that was only in the classes he had with her. Otherwise, he rarely talked...at school. Silence was his one true virtue, or perhaps his one true talent. Classes were brutal and slow, but when he made it to his English class he couldn’t help but let his heart flutter at the thought of Mr. Novak. 

He took a deep breath and immediately stopped himself; one, it would never happen. Two, Dean had so many other things to worry about then this stupid, little boy crush on his teacher. Despite his thoughts, as soon as Dean walked into the room, butterflies shot into his stomach and made him woozy as he locked eyes with Mr. Novak. Dean took a deep breath and put his professional attitude back on. He peered up at the clock and he noticed that he had come ten minutes early, and he threw around the idea of leaving, but ultimately decided against the embarrassment. 

He settled down at a desk, his backpack sprawled on the floor and his phone handy in his pocket just in case. Dean set his head down on the desk for what seemed like a millisecond, but when he picked his head back up Mr. Novak was looming right above him. Dean almost choked at how close he was, and Dean picked up his head all the way and sat up straight. 

“Dean Winchester, correct?” Mr. Novak didn’t have to ask that, since he had already thought Dean’s name so many times. Dean dumbly nodded, looking down at his hands in his lap. Mr. Novak stood there for a second, before circling around to Dean’s back. “How are you doing?” Mr. Novak asked gently, his eyes scraping over the faint bruise on the back of Dean’s neck and the slightly noticeable scratch that started at the hem of his shirt. Dean shrugged, trying to open his mouth to say something but freezing up. Mr. Novak desperately wished to ghost his fingers over the bruise, but knew that that would not only violate his code of conduct, but it would scare the poor boy. 

The silence settled in heavily, and Dean wanted to break it but everytime he tried, his throat would swell up and he would get all flustered. Mr. Novak gave a quick, bright smile towards Dean and Dean gave a half-hearted one back, trying his hardest. Mr. Novak took it gracefully, but when he went to go sit back at his desks, images of the boy’s soft, scarred skin kept popping into his head that he could not seem to shake out. 

“I-I,” Dean started, and Mr. Novak immediately looked up, knowing that this was the first time he’s ever really heard Dean’s voice. “I would like to read the book you have on the shelf over there… would you mind if I borrowed it?” Dean’s voice was quiet and soft, but Mr. Novak couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face when he heard it. “I would love to let you borrow it. It’s one of my favorites.” Mr. Novak hopped up and went over to grab To Kill a Mocking Bird and handed it to Dean without a hesitation. “Perhaps you could even keep it if you like it enough. I’ll leave it up to you.” A real smile perked up on Dean’s face, and Mr. Novak would tell you any day, that smile is still burned into his mind. 

~

“Daddy!” Sam shouted and was in Dean’s arms in about three seconds, and Dean laughed softly. “Hey bud, how was your day?” Sam launched into a whole energetic conversation that Dean just didn’t have the mind to listen to today. As he made his way back to the car, his thoughts ran from John to Sam to Mr. Novak and Dean couldn’t quite tell which emotion was coming from where. Dean muttered a ‘yeah, cool Sammy,’ as he buckled Sam into the car and shut the door, quickly running to go get in the drivers seat and make it to work. 

“Yes of course, right away.” Dean tried his hardest to sound cheerful, and was actually quite successful because he always got good tips… or maybe it was because he’s cute. Didn’t matter to Dean as long as he was getting the money. 

Dean hurried back to the kitchen and checked on Sam real quick, who was sitting with his coloring book on the counter and pretty much minding his own business except for the occasional question. Dean sighed in relief for what had felt like the millionth time today, and checked the clock. Ten more minutes until he was out of here. He straightened up and continued on, pushing himself for those last ten minutes before his shift was over. 

Dean almost cheered when the clock struck eight p.m., and he took off his apron. “Have a good night, Dean!” The owner and the chef, Ellen, shouted out to Dean as Dean packed up all of Sam’s stuff. “You too Ellen! Same time tomorrow?” Dean heard a commotion and then she was suddenly in front of him. “Yep! Every night, you need anything? Any food?” Ellen had practically keeping Dean alive since they had gotten out of their father’s house. “I think we’re good. We’re all stocked up at home. Thanks though.” Ellen nodded and waved him off, laughing and bidding her farewell. 

Dean picked up Sam and held his coloring things with the other hand. “Bye Jo!” Dean shouted across the restaurant, turning heads, but he honestly couldn’t care less. Jo threw up a quick peace sign, and Dean rolled his eyes, laughing. Dean managed to get Sam in the car without as much as a peep from him, and Dean couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. As soon as Dean got in the car, though, the questions started. 

“Daddy,” Sam started as Dean turned around to back out of the parking spot, and Dean made a little sound of acknowledgment before Sam continued. “Why did John hurt you?” Dean let out a quick breath, knowing this was long coming. “I don’t know Sam, but we don’t have to worry about him anymore. He’s gone.” Sam nodded, trusting his dad, but Dean didn’t even know if he could trust himself on that subject. 

~

“Yeah, Sammy, it’s time for bed.” Sam let out a quiet groat, showing his displeasure at bedtime. “Sorry buddy. The rules are the rules.” Dean picked Sam up and carried him over to his room and then to his bed. Dean knew they were lucky enough to even have separate rooms, let alone separate beds. Sam was already half asleep as Dean tucked him in tight, and he smiled softly at his brother. 

He didn’t know what was wrong with his father; Dean would be proud to have a son like Sam. Dean on the other hand...well, whatever. Dean knew it was a trade off and he didn’t deserve it. “Goodnight Sammy,” Dean leaned down and pressed a kiss to Sam’s forehead, and left the room, quietly shutting the door. Dean yawned and stretched his back, grabbing his new, borrowed book, and crawling into bed for some alone time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :) Thanks so much for reading! If people like it, I'll definitely continue. Thanks again! Much love-


	2. You've got your friends, and you've got your foes

Dean was curled up and asleep, blanket after blanket piled up on him because he didn’t have enough money to pay for the heat. “Daddy,” A small voice woke him up and Dean’s fatherly instincts kicked in and his eyes snapped open. 

“Sammy, what’s wrong?” Dean sat up, and little Sam burst into tears, climbing into his daddy’s lap. Dean grimaced, holding his little brother as close as he could. “Did you have a nightmare?” Sam nodded into Dean’s neck, tears sliding down his face and onto Dean’s shirt. Dean raised his hands and gently rubbed Sam’s back, just trying to make him feel better. 

“I’m so scared of John, Daddy.” Dean flinched, knowing that this was coming. Dean squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could, and he wanted to let out a sad, frustrated sob. “You’re okay, buddy, you are. I would never let John touch you, ever.” Sammy trusted Dean more than anything in his life, but he had seen John lay hands on Dean so many times that he just couldn’t believe it. Sam had seen the bruises on Dean to know that he should be afraid of John.

“You wanna sleep with me tonight, Sammy?” Dean softly asked, and Sam curled up in Dean’s chest, cuddling him tightly. “Alright buddy, go back to sleep.” But Dean wouldn’t sleep for at least another two hours, just relishing the fact that Sam was safe, in his arms, because Dean never knew if he would be ripped away from him. 

~

Dean had a full 12 hour day, knowing that he had to meet rent tomorrow. Ellen had gladly accommodated, with generous three half-hour breaks with food. It was a busy Saturday, though. Dean was running ragged around the whole restaurant, really just trying to keep himself from either rolling his eyes or bursting into tears.

Sammy was set up at the table in the corner with all the coloring books he could have, his blanky, and Jo and himself would go over there as often as possible to make sure he was okay and entertained. Sam was such a good boy, and Dean was so proud that he could at least comprehend that he had to be on best behaviour the whole day. Dean kept a close eye on him, always, despite the fact that he was so well behaved. Dean sighed, turning away and trying to keep his cool.

Dean turned and looked at his new assigned table, two men sitting at it and Dean took a deep breath, preparing himself to kiss up and pray for tips. Dean slipped over and rubbed his eyes, smiling brightly. 

“Hi, my name is Dean,” Dean spoke cheerily, keeping the fake smile plastered up on his lips. “-and I’ll be your server today. Can I start you off with something to drink?” He looked down, his eyes being totally cut off by Mr. Novak’s bright blue eyes looking up at him. Dean immediately took a step back, planning a quick escape, but then shaking his head. “Dean?” Mr. Novak’s eyes sparkled up at him with confusion, and perhaps a tint of worry. “Hi Mr. Novak.” Dean shyly looked to the ground, swallowing roughly.

“Can I get you guys something to drink?” He pulled out his notepad and his pen, biting his lip. Mr. Novak uncertainly asked for a water, and the short, brown-haired man he was with asked for a beer. Dean nodded graciously, practically gnawing his bottom lip with anxiety. Dean got the order immediately, just wanting to get the awkward confrontations over with. Dean shook himself off, knowing that he needed the tips so he had to suck up. He grabbed the tray with the water and the beer, getting into a different frame of mind.

He practically hopped over to their table, smiling cutely. “Here’s your drinks,” He hummed sweetly, placing the stuff on the table and serving them. “Do you need a couple more minutes?” They both shook their heads, and Dean smiled. “Alright! What can I get yo-” He was cut off by a tug on his jeans, and he looked down to see Sam standing there and holding up his hands. Dean sighed and swooped down, picking up Sam and holding him close as Sam nuzzled his neck. 

“Sorry, what can I get you guys?” Mr. Novak stared up at Dean as he scribbled down Gabe’s order, and he examined his face. Dean’s face, despite the plastered on happiness, was pale and almost sickly. He always looked tired, and no matter where and when Mr. Novak looked, there would be faded bruises all around. Mr. Novak didn’t quite know how to approach this, knowing his suspicions were probably true, but he was thrown a curveball with the little boy in his arms. Who could this little boy be? Their eyes were eerily the same, leading him to believe that they were related-

“Castiel, what are you doing? You have to order.” Gabe kicked him in the shin, and Mr. Novak was snapped back to his own, regular thoughts. “Oh gosh, I’m sorry.” Dean looked down at him and Mr. Novak could have sworn his heart stopped as his green eyes almost pierced his soul. “Could I just have the chicken sandwich?” Dean nodded, a genuine smile perking up on his lips. Dean shut the notepad, expertly holding both his little Sam and slipping his notepad back into his apron. 

“Thank you so much,” Dean sucked up as much as he could, hoping that this would both avoid questioning later on and maybe have a nice tip. Mr. Novak shook his head, smiling up at Dean. “No no, thank you Dean.” Dean hopped off, asking Sam what was wrong and going to put in the order. 

Gabe dramatically swung his head around, wagging his eyebrows. “Cas, oh my god, he was a-dora-ble. How do you know the good old Dean-o?” Cas may have blushed a bit, but he shook his head. “He’s a student of mine, Gabriel. That’s illegal-” “He looked as old or if not older than eighteen.” Cas bit his lip, nodding. “I know, but it’s completely unprofessional and the poor kid always has bruises…” He trailed off, and Gabriel looked back at him. 

Gabe squinted his eyes toward Dean holding Sam, and he scrunched his nose. “You know, he looks familiar. I just…” He trailed off, then suddenly his face looked like he had been enlightened. “I’ve seen them with a John... Do you know of him?” Gabe asked, but Cas shook his hand, not having a profound knowledge of the inhabitants of this town. “He’s a real nasty guy. He used to come to the casino-” Gabriel owned one of the biggest casinos within a three hundred mile radius- “And he got shitfaced drunk each time. One time he brought those two, but they were a lot younger. The little boy was practically a baby.” Mr. Novak bit his lip and snuck a glance at Dean.

“I just don’t know,” Cas started, looking down at his hands that were folded on the table. “I just want to help.”


	3. You wanna piece of something hot?

“I’m just-” Dean was cut off with the burden of having to duck below his father’s balled fist, and with as many times as he had to do this, it just felt normal. “I just have to get clothes.” Dean slunk past his father, running up the stairs into his old room and grabbing the rest of his clothes. He could hear his father stomping up the stairs after him, and he rushed out of Sam’s room, ignoring the empty bottles of whisky and vodka. 

“Get back here, Dean!” John screamed, running after him. Dean flinched, planning his escape plan. He had just dropped Sammy off at school, and he knew that he couldn’t afford new clothes for Sam, so he’d have to go grab his old clothes for him. “I’m leaving, John-” Dean couldn’t even call him Dad anymore. “-leave me alone.” John blocked his way from leaving, and Dean internally screamed. “Boy,” John’s voice was slurred, and Dean couldn’t even begin to comprehend why he might have thought his dad had changed.

“Since ya’ll ran away, the police have been sniffin’ around the house-” Impossible, Dean thought. Dean had not called the police, nor even told anyone about them leaving. It was just his drunken father being delusional, like always. “Nobody even knows I was here. Since mom died, we haven’t even been here, John.” Dean hissed, gnawing on his bottom lip. He was truly nervous; he didn’t need anymore bruises. 

“You’re a fucking failure, Dean-” Dean was distracted enough to not duck beneath his father’s fist, and it collided with the side of his face and knocked him to the ground. Dean gasped in a deep breath, immediately feeling that the hit was going to leave a killer bruise. Dean crawled out from beneath his father’s legs, knowing that if he could get out of the house before his father got him, he would be out of the clear. Dean sprinted down the stairs, holding his face with one hand and angrily wiping his teary eyes with his other hand.

“GET BACK HERE!” John bellowed, scaring Dean even more. He slammed through the door, sprinting to the Impala and taking a deep breath. He saw his father abruptly stop at the door, knowing that if he followed Dean, the police would be called. Dean could feel his father’s glare on him, and he tried to shake off the fear that gripped his chest. 

~

Dean was still shaking violently, trying to recover from the hit he just got. He always got so worked up after all this, knowing that one day he’d have to go back and it could be twice as bad. Dean sat in his car in the parking lot of his school, contemplating even going in. The last time he’d skipped school, his landlord caught him and almost called the police, and Dean was not willing to risk a call like that. So maybe he’d just sit here until his adrenaline was pumped out of his system, or maybe he’d fall asleep. All he needed to do was wait until Sammy got out of school so he could pick him up.

Dean sighed and looked in the mirror, cringing when he saw the forming bruise on his face. There was going to be a huge, nasty black bruise there if he didn’t get any ice on it. He thought for about a minute, deciding that his best bet was running to the teacher’s lounge and grabbing an ice pack from the freezer. Dean was invisible enough, and if he walked the hallway with a bunch of people, he would be fine. Dean begrudgingly got out of the car, knowing that even though he really didn’t want to do this, it was for the better. His bruise wouldn’t be nearly as bad, which means less questions will be asked. Dean slipped into the school, knowing it was in between periods, meaning everyone was in class.

Dean sighed in relief, silently travelling through the school because he felt like the less noise he makes, the better. Dean finally made it to the teacher’s lounge, and he visibly relaxed. He peeked his head inside and almost cried out in happiness when he saw that no one was in there. He snuck in, keeping close to the walls in case someone walked by. He opened the fridge, smiling successfully as he saw the ice pack. He reached in and gently pressed it on the side of his face, slumping in relief. He closed the freezer and allowed himself a moment of peace, before-

“Dean?” A soft, deep voice snapped Dean out and his whole body froze. Dread filled his stomach, and he slowly turned around, keeping the ice pressed against his face. “M-Mr. Novak…” Dean trailed off, trying to smile. “Are you okay, Dean? You weren’t in class… what’s that on your face?” Mr. Novak’s hand went towards Dean’s face, and Dean noticeably flinched, leaving Cas even more suspicious. “I’m… not gonna hurt you.” Cas now knowing that Dean would flinch if he went too fast, slowly lead his hand to Dean’s face and gently lifted the ice pack up to examine the bruise.

“Dean, what happened?!” Cas gasped, and Dean cringed, closing his eyes gently. “I… I fell down the stairs.” Dean tried to add in a laugh there, but it felt awkward and they both knew it was fake. Cas looked at him skeptically, but tried to move on knowing that if he thought about it, it would just make him more upset. “Can I help you?” Cas grabbed Dean’s hand, and although Dean slightly pulled back, he allowed the close personal contact. Cas gently lifted his hand and the ice pack off Dean’s face, and winced. Cas let his fingers trail across the edge of the bruise, and poor attention deprived Dean almost let out a moan of acceptance.

Dean looked at Cas with an intensity that Cas had never quite seen before and he found himself entranced. He wanted to lean in and press his lips against Dean’s pink ones, but knew that something like that would not end well (especially with a huge bruise forming on the poor boy’s face), so he took a step back and pressed the ice pack back to his face. “Do you want to go lay down, Dean? I have a safe place for you to get some sleep.” Dean nodded eagerly, but felt on edge about the whole trying to trust thing. But, Dean thought, who really knows what could happen?


	4. Forget your name like they forgot

Dean was laying in what seemed to be Mr. Novak’s office, which no one really used because he much prefered his classroom. Mr. Novak had gone to go get him some more ice, but had been gone for a little over fifteen minutes and Dean just wanted to bail. He didn’t want to stay here, he didn’t want questions to be asked because the more questions that were asked, the more dangerous it got. Dean took in a deep breath and was having an internal debate on whether or not to leave. Dean sighed aloud, unsure of what to do; he was getting close to the decision to leave, when suddenly Mr. Novak came back in with a bottle of water, a bag of ice, and a bowl of soup.

He smiled nervously and set the stuff down on the table besides the couch, and looked at Dean. “It took forever, I know, I’m sorry.” He smiled apologetically and Dean simply shook his head. Dean almost stared at him in awe- nobody had cared for him like this since his mother was alive, it was almost like he forgot what it was. “Th-thank you…” Dean looked down, folding his hands together and blushing as bright as a tomato. Mr. Novak gently placed his hand on Dean's shoulder, noting the subtle flinch that Dean had whenever he even moved towards him. 

“It’s chicken noodle soup. Are you hungry? I can take it back if you aren’t-” Dean cut him off. “I’m fine, don’t.. trouble yourself anymore.” Dean couldn’t eat; at this point he felt too sick to even move. Cas swallowed the lump in his throat, digging his nails into his own palm to try to keep himself from falling apart. Cas went over and closely examined the bruise on Dean’s face. Dean took in a deep breath as Mr. Novak’s fingers trailed along the edge of his face at his hairline, and he almost screamed when he traced his fingers across the black and blue.

“Dean, I don’t think you fell down the stairs.” Mr. Novak sat right in front of Dean, meeting him at eye level to make him feel as comfortable as possible. Dean swallowed heavily, feeling as if he were going to throw up. His mouth went dry. Mr. Novak took a deep breath, looking Dean straight in the eyes. “Dean, we can help-” 

Dean couldn’t take this. Not today, and most definitely not in the emotional state of mind he was in. He was either going to pass out or burst into hysterical tears, and he needed to stop this before questions went too far. He needed to get Sammy, and he needed to get out of here. He needed to get so far away that he’d never even have to think about his father again. 

“Dean, please let me-” A loud ringing cut off Mr. Novak’s voice and Dean’s throat suddenly felt like it was closing up. Dean looked up at his eyes, and before he knew it, tears were streaming down his bruised face and they wouldn’t stop. Cas’s heart broke, and a feeling of dread spread through his body. “Dean,” He choked out, causing Dean to feel even more panic through his body. 

“It’s okay, it’s all okay.” Dean sobbed into his hands, trying desperately to stop, but nothing would work. The room felt like every second it was going up ten degrees, and Dean honestly couldn’t think of anything but getting out of this small, hot office. He tried to gasp in air, but he could barely even breathe.

Cas did the only thing he could think of; he wrapped his arms around Dean and brought him into his body. Dean’s arms hung loosely around his body, surprised by the hug he was brought into. Cas simply hugged him tighter, and Dean reluctantly gave in, wrapping his arms around Cas’s torso and crying into his shoulder.

Cas’s heart fell into his stomach as he held the poor, broken, crying boy in his arms. He wanted to tell Dean everything was okay, that everything would be fine, but he simply couldn’t. He didn’t know that, and as desperately as he wanted to know that everything would be okay, he just didn’t. Cas rubbed his hands up and down Dean’s back, listening to his cries soften and eventually come to a stop.

Dean, coming back to his senses, realized where he was and what type of trouble this could get him into. He immediately pulled back, looking around the room, and deciding that running was the best idea. “I- Dean muttered, pulling all the way out of Mr. Novak’s arms. “-have to go.” And with that, Dean was out of Cas’s office, leaving a more than worried Cas making plans on what his next move was going to be.


	5. Oh, ain't that something?

“C’mon Sammy,” He called out for Sam who was trailing behind him at the grocery store. Sam toddled over and grabbed onto Dean’s leg, and Dean leaned down and picked him up to put him into the cart. Dean settled down, trying to relax because he knew he had enough money for both rent and groceries this month. He half listened to Sam’s babbling, trying to plan dinners for the week. 

“Daddy,” Sam started and Dean redirected his full attention towards him and made a noise that urged him to continue. “Why are you blue?” Sam reached up and pressed his hand against the bruise on Dean’s face, and Dean sighed. “I just got a little hurt.” Dean muttered, and Sam had already lost interest and started looking around at the store. Dean rolled his eyes and continued down the aisle, taking a deep breath. 

Sam squirmed in the seat of the cart, and Dean gently picked him up and set him on the ground next to him. “Keep up with me.” Dean kept walking, Sam ran after him. “Can we have cupcakes?” Sam asked hopefully, and Dean mentally went over the money. “I dunno, maybe, we’ll see at the end, okay?” Sam disappointedly followed him, and Dean couldn’t find the heart to tell him that they probably wouldn’t have enough money to get cupcakes. 

Dean stopped at the pasta section, thinking about what was for dinner tonight, when he decided to ask Sam. “Sammy buddy, you want spaghetti for dinner tonight?” He looked down to the right, where Sam always was, but was shocked to see that he wasn’t there. “Sammy?” He asked, twisting around and looking everywhere. “Sam?!” He was kicked into panic mode, and he started frantically looking up and down the aisles. He must have wandered off after Dean told him no about the cupcakes.

“Shit,” Dean cursed, knowing that he had to be somewhere in the store. “Sam!” Dean tried again, hoping to get a response. In the adjacent aisle, Castiel had come to grab some rice for dinner with Anna and Gabriel, when a frightened, lost Sam ran into Cas’s leg and Cas picked him up. “Hi buddy,” Cas recognized him, but he couldn’t quite place where he knew the little boy from- probably from the preschool that he lived by, so he shrugged it off. “Are you lost?” Sam nodded, and Cas started to look around. “I lost my daddy.” Sam got quiet and shy, and Cas started looking. “What’s your dad look like?” Sam just shrugged, and Cas laughed a little bit.

“Sammy!” They both heard Dean shout, and Sam started squirming. “That’s him!” Sam exclaimed, and Cas ran to the end of the aisle and met eyes with the one and only Dean Winchester. Dean paled for a quick second, but then visibly slumped in relief when he saw Sam. It all connected in Cas’s head now; this was the little kid that Dean had held at the restaurant he worked at. But had he called him daddy? Cas must’ve imagined that.

Dean ran over and grabbed Sam out of Cas’s arms, and Sam excitedly wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck. “Sammy,” Dean scolded, trying to ignore Mr. Novak for the second. “I told you to say keep up with me. Did you walk off?” Sam simply put his head on Dean’s shoulder and stayed quiet, causing Dean to sigh. “I’m sorry, I really am.” Dean said and tried his absolute hardest to avoid eye contact with him, knowing that Dean hadn’t acknowledged the conversation they had had about the bruises. Cas cleared his throat, and Dean’s eyes flashed up to his.

Cas tried his hardest to ignore the butterflies in his stomach as Dean’s green eyes looked up at him. “How are you, Dean?” Cas was just trying to keep up conversation with him, just trying to relish the few seconds he would hear his voice. “I’m okay.” Dean’s voice was quiet, and he swallowed hard. Dean’s stomach pulled in tight and his heart practically jumped into his throat when Mr. Novak leaned forward and placed his hand on Dean’s bruised cheek.

“It looks a little better.” Cas decided he wasn’t going to bring up how he got the bruise, but it was still very much on his mind. “Who’s this?” He changed the subject, and Dean actually let out a smile. “This is Sam. Sammy, buddy, can you say hi?” Sam waved shyly, and Cas smiled at him. “T-thank you for finding him, he usually doesn’t do this…” Dean awkwardly laughed, and Cas tried to laugh along with him. 

“It’s no problem, really.” Dean wanted to melt into a puddle of nothing because he was either embarrassed or so affected by this stupid little crush. “Can you say thank you Sammy?” He looked to Sammy, and he muttered a quick ‘thank you’, and Dean smiled again. “Anytime, Dean, if you ever need anything, come find me.” 

~  
Dean’s throat felt like it was closing up, and he felt like his whole world was imploding in on him. He was going to either burst into tears or pass out. He was in science class when someone had accidentally pressed on the scar on his back, causing him to flashback and push him over the edge. He was having a full blown panic attack. His heart was racing and thumping in his chest, and his whole body was trembling to an intensity that scared him half to death.

He didn’t have anywhere to go. He was so scared that he had started to, unknowingly, make his way to Mr. Novak’s classroom. He held back the tears as much as he could and tried to look normal as he walked through the semi-empty hallways. He kept his eyes on the ground, and his hands behind his back to hide the shaking. He finally made it to Mr. Novak’s classroom and bit his lip as he saw it was empty of students. He opened the door gently and made eye contact with Mr. Novak, and he immediately stood up. “Dean-” Dean cut him off, his shaky voice trembling in fear.

“C-could I just sit here f-for a couple of m-minutes?” He gestured to a desk, and Mr. Novak nodded like it was an insane question. “Go-go ahead.” Dean slunk into a desk and put his head on the table, and he finally let the tears go now that no one would be able to see them. He cried into his arms, trying to keep the shaking at a minimum, and Cas watched him closely. No matter how hard Dean tried to hide it, Cas could clearly see the shaking of his entire body, and the general discomfort.

Cas reluctantly walked over to Dean and set a hand on the back of his neck, and Dean froze up. Cas held his breath until Dean lifted his head and looked up at him with red, tear stained eyes and Cas bit his lip. Dean suddenly shot up out of his seat, trying to hold in the tears, but failing. Tears streamed down his face, and he shook his head. “I-I’m sorry…” Dean trailed off, and Cas shook his head. “Don’t ever, ever be sorry Dea-” Dean launched forward and wrapped his arms around Cas’s torso, and Cas almost immediately reacted. 

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, holding him close. “I’m here for you, Dean.” Cas whispered against his hair, nuzzling his face in it. Dean slowly and finally calmed down, still embracing Mr. Novak as if it were the last person he was ever going to hug. Cas would whispered soothing words, and eventually, Dean stopped crying. He cleared his throat and pulled out from Cas’s arms, and he went to grab his backpack, but Mr. Novak grabbed his wrist. 

“Stay, Dean?” Cas’s eyes were full of hope as Dean looked hesitant, but ultimately nodded his head, setting down his backpack, and listening to what Mr. Novak had to say.


	6. Some want to see you crash and burn

Dean had been avoiding Mr. Novak at pretty much all costs; he was scared. He had never really opened up to anyone about his feelings, let alone cry in front of someone other than Sammy. He wanted to leave so badly ---wanted to leave and never come back. But that wasn’t a possibility. Sammy and him were stuck here for a long time.

It was a quiet night, and Dean was thrilled about that. The restaurant was insanely quiet with Sammy in the corner, fast asleep, and with the small, but efficient, staff around the table. Dean’s head rested on his arms as they tiredly conversed about anything that came to mind. “How’s school, honey?” Ellen would ask him and he’d respond with a sentence or two about how much homework he had or how hard his classes were, and she’d be pretty satisfied… but he’d never tell the truth.

Dean had off school tomorrow, and he couldn’t be anymore relieved. This was good because one, he felt terrible, and two, he could do late hours at the bar, which meant extra money, even if it was as late as nine o’clock at night. Of course, this wasn’t late for him, but little Sammy would always fall asleep around there, desperately trying to stay up to watch his Daddy run around the restaurant. He would never make it and his eyes would go droopy, and Dean would go over and wrap him up in a blanket, making sure he was never out of his eyesight.

“Dean we should totally-” Jo was cut off by the sound of little Sam getting up and making a noise of discontent. “What’s wrong bud?” Dean asked, and Sam ran over and climbed into Dean’s lap. Dean laughed and held the extremely tired child in his arms and Jo continued. “-take a road trip when we graduate. You, me, Mama, and Sammy and maybe Charlie and I don’t know-” Dean listened to her rambling as she went on about road trips. Once she was finished, her and Ellen started arguing about where they wanted to go, and that’s about when Dean spaced out. 

Dean noted that he really didn’t feel well. His stomach hurt and his head throbbed, and he got a sudden wave of fatigue that urged him to lean forward and set his head on the table. He let his eyes close as their voices soothed his never ending nerves. Before he knew it, he was fast asleep, with a little sleeping Sammy in his arms as well.

“Mama I really want to go to Colora-” Jo was cut off by the bell that was attached to the door, and she immediately got up to greet them. “Hi guys! Welcome to the roadhouse, are you guys coming in for dinner or just drinks?” 

The familiar low voice should have woken Dean up, but it didn’t. “We were hoping for dinner?” Cas asked, looking at Gabe for assurance, and they both nodded. 

“Fine by me, darlin’s.” Ellen hopped back to the kitchen, checking to make sure Dean was alright before leaving him there. Cas sat down at the table that Jo showed them to, when his eyes caught a familiar body leaning over a chair in what looked to be a very uncomfortable position. He could tell by the way his body was lying, and hell just by the contours that it was Dean.

“Is that Dean Winchester?” Cas asked his waitress quietly and politely, and Jo looked back to look at him. “Oh yeah, that is him.” Cas took this as a chance to try to gain some insight, as Gabe suggestively wagged his eyebrows at him. “Does he work here?” He asked, and Jo smiled a bit and nodded. “Yeah, full time outta school. Helps him with rent.” Cas noted that Dean even had to pay rent, unlike most high schoolers. “How d’ya know him?” Cas cleared his throat.

“I, uh, I’m his English teacher.” Jo paled a bit and pulled back. “O-oh,” She nervously laughed, tapping her fingers against the side of her body. “Well, he’s practically my family. My best friend.” She turned around and looked at him, smiling softly. “Why does he pay rent? Where does he live?” Cas knew he was pushing his luck, but Jo seemed somewhat compliant. “He lives in the apartment building a couple streets down.” She knew she was going to have to cut off this conversation soon. “Where are his parents?” Jo’s face completely paled, and her thoughts stuttered to a halt. 

“W-what… what can I get you guys to eat?” She finally said, just ignoring the whole question together. Cas suspiciously looked back at Dean, and he sighed, knowing that that was all he was going to get out of her. 

~

Dean woke up about twenty minutes later, head pressed against the table and his eyes aching. His stomach churned, and he immediately knew that he was going to get sick. He quickly stood up, placing the sleepy Sam on the chair, and running to the trash can before getting sick. This grabbed the attention of Cas as his head swung over and looked at the hunched Dean over the trashcan, gripping his stomach. Before he could run over, Jo ran over and put both hands around Dean and helped him to the table. 

Ellen ran out almost immediately, hearing the commotion, and looked at Dean with a sad face. “It’s okay baby. I’ll go get you some water.” Dean leaned forward and grabbed his stomach, closing his eyes tightly and pretending that none of this was happening. He grimaced as a jolt of pain shot through his head, and he knew he was sick. 

Ellen ran out with a glass of ice water, and Dean took sips of it to get the taste out of his mouth. Sammy was now awake and sitting at the chair next to Dean, and Dean sighed and laid his head down on the table, again. His everything throbbed and ached and he just wanted to sleep. “Do you think you can drive home by yourself, Dean?” Ellen rubbed his back comfortingly, and Dean stood up on his shaky feet. “Yeah,” But as he went to go get Sammy, he stumbled and had to hold on to the tables. 

“You can’t drive, Dean.” Jo went over and helped him back to the table, and then went to go get Sam. Dean bit his lip and looked up at Ellen with sad, teary eyes. “We’ll find a way to get you and Sammy home, honey.” 

“I can drive him!” They were all startled by the anonymous voice, but Dean almost instantly knew who it was. He closed his eyes as tightly as he could, pressing down on them with his fingers. “That would be great.” Jo chimed in, and Ellen looked a little bit confused. “That’s Dean’s English teacher.” Ellen looked a bit more relieved.

“That’s a great idea. Dean, I’ll pick up Sammy and help you put him in the car.” Jo started, and Ellen helped Dean up and over to Cas. “Thank you so much…-” Ellen started, and Cas smiled at her. “Cas.” Ellen nodded and smiled up at him. “Thank you, Cas. We really appreciate it.” Ellen sent Dean a death glare, and Dean mumbled a quick ‘thank you’ under his breath. Ellen slowly let go of Dean to make sure he was standing alright, but when he hunched over, Cas reached forward and wrapped his arm under his shoulder, keeping him up. Dean may have blushed, but it could have easily been blamed on the sickness.

Jo trailed behind them with a half-asleep Sam in her arms, and Dean sighed as he wondered what he just got himself into.


	7. And criticize your every word

It was a mind numbingly silent ride to Dean’s apartment, as Dean sat in the front next to Cas and Sam was curled up in the back seat. Dean wanted to make conversation, he felt like he owed that to Cas, but whenever he would try his throat would close up and butterflies would swarm through his entire body. He was sick, as well. His head throbbed with an oncoming migraine, and his stomach swirled with what was most commonly known as nausea. 

“Dean, you haven’t even talked to me since you broke dow-” Dean should have seen this coming, with the allowance of showing his feelings to someone other than himself. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Dean almost snapped, and Cas sighed and settled back down. “Dean, I just… I just want to help you.” Cas spoke as if there were a bomb about to go off, and Dean sighed gently. He weighed his options; does he risk telling him? Or does he just suffer silently like he always does? 

Cas was driving insufferably slow and careful, one because he didn’t want to jostle Sam around in the back, two, because this wasn’t his car, and three, the most important reason, he wanted to have as much time with Dean as he could possibly get. Cas hopes with every encounter, he is one step closer to helping Dean.

“It wasn’t always like this.” This startled Cas out of his thoughts, and he looked to the right of him at a sick, pale Dean. “I wasn’t always this quiet. I would have made conversation with you, but now I’m just scared.” Cas was shocked at how Dean’s words just kept flowing from his mouth, like he was going to tell Cas his whole life story. Happiness struck Cas deep in his core.

“Why are you scared? Are you scared of me?” Dean shook his head immediately. “Of course not. Just… scared of talking.” This was really the first time Dean had talked to anyone about what was on his mind in years. “You can always talk to me.” Dean gestured to the apartment building right across the street, and Cas turned in. “I know.” It ended with that, and Cas could have screamed at how happy he was to have Dean open up, even if it were only a little bit. 

Dean’s face suddenly paled and he knew he was going to get sick again. “Pull over, quick!” He shouted, and Cas quickly pulled over and Dean hopped out of the car, getting sick on the sidewalk. He felt guilty, but he couldn’t help it; he wasn’t going to puke in his car, or in front of Mr. Novak.   
Cas sympathetically reached forward and set his hand on Dean’s back, pulling him back into the car with a heave. “You okay?” Cas asked, and Dean abruptly nodded without a word. Cas sighed and leaned forward and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “It’s okay.” He rubbed up and down, and Dean almost teared up. That is, almost. He couldn’t take another hit by crying in front of Mr. Novak.

They managed to get to Dean’s apartment, Dean practically entangled in Mr. Novak’s limbs with Sam following closely behind. Dean got the door open, and they flooded into Dean’s little, but homey apartment. “Go to bed, buddy.” Dean just managed to lean down and lovingly tap Sam’s head and send him off to bed. Cas practically dragged Dean to the couch, plopping him there and looking at him. “Do you have a thermometer?” Cas asked gently, and Dean nodded, weakly pointing to the bathroom.

Cas cautiously stepped towards the bathroom, carefully noting all of his surroundings. Dean’s apartment was small. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, a kitchen, and something that shouldn’t even qualify as a living room. “Mirror.” Dean croaked out as Cas got to the door, and he opened it, almost laughing at how the shower curtains were floral and nothing like Dean.

“You better not be laughing at my shower curtains,” Dean coughed out, but Cas could hear the smile in his voice. He sighed gently and opened the mirror, noticing all of the gauze and antibacterial cream he had. He would have most definitely cringed if he knew exactly what those were for. He grabbed the thermometer and brought it to Dean, urging him to open his mouth.

Dean obliged, happy enough to get attention from anyone, let alone someone he wanted it from. “You poor thing,” Cas took the thermometer out of Dean’s mouth and set his hand on Dean’s forehead. “You’re burning up. You need some water?” Dean needed water, yes, but he would never bother Mr. Novak with that sort of thing. He shook his head, and Cas shrugged, sitting next to Dean.

He knew he shouldn’t be here right now, but he didn’t have another choice. He wanted to give in to being close to Dean. “Thank you.” Dean murmured out, putting his hands to his face to try and hide the blush. Cas couldn’t help but smile at how cute he was blushing. “You’re so welcome, Dean. I told you, I’m here whenever you need it.” 

Dean sat in silence for a minute, until he fully realized that he wanted to have a long, healthy conversation and he really wanted it now no matter how sick he was. “So,” Dean started, nervously clasping his hands together. “What’s your favorite book?” 

With that, they talked until the late hours of the night, and it only stopped because they’d fallen asleep, together, pressed up on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I just wanna say thanks so much for reading and commenting and leaving all your kudos, it means so much to me <3 If you ever want to request something, you can leave an ask at my tumblr <3
> 
> spockgoestheweasel.tumblr.com
> 
> Thank you SO so so much, all of you <3


	8. Tryin' to keep from going insane

Cas woke up about six hours after they had fallen asleep to a dark room and his eyes adjusted to the darkness. He hadn’t meant to fallen asleep and stay here, but honestly, he couldn't be happier. Cas checked his phone and it read 5:30AM and he looked over at Dean. He was curled up on the other side of the couch, and slowly, he felt a bit verclempt as he looked around.

It was a tiny apartment, and everything seemed bare. It was empty, but at the same time it had a homey feeling with toys lying on the ground and folded clothes on a dresser. Cas got up and stretched his back, standing up and looking around. Suddenly there was a loud cry from the adjoining room. “Daddy!!” A high, shrill voice wailed and Cas pulled back and looked at the door. Dean woke up in a matter of seconds, startled, and Cas almost had to do a double take with the shouting of the word ‘daddy’. Dean was a father?

“Shit,” Dean whispered out curses as he stumbled tiredly to the boy’s room. Cas slowly peeked into the room and saw Dean pick up Sam and hold him close to his chest. Sam sobbed violently into Dean’s chest and Dean rocked him back and forth, whispering sweet things into his ears. Cas’s heart broke at the sight, and he bit his lip and tried to keep from saying anything. 

Dean walked out of the room with Sammy in his arms and made eye contact with Mr. Novak and briefly looked confused. Realization then crossed his face and he visibly relaxed, walking over to the couch and settling down, Sammy wrapped in his arms. Cas went over and cautiously sat next to the two, and Dean debated putting his head on his shoulder but decided against it. 

Sam had finally begun to start calming down, tears only running down his face. “What’s wrong, buddy?” Dean asked softly, and Sam shook his head. “I had a bad dream.” Sam sniffled, pressing his face into Dean’s chest. Dean clicked his tongue and heaved a deep sigh. “Same thing?” Dean talked with a soft voice, and Sam simply nodded without a word. “Daddy can you go get my blanket?” Dean nodded, turning around and setting Sam on the couch. “I’ll grab your pillow too. Why don’t you talk to Mr. Novak?” Dean gestured to Cas who sat on the couch, and Sam shyly looked up at him. 

“Hi Misser Novak.” Cas’s heart melted. “Hi Sam…” Dean walked out of the room. “What was your nightmare about?” He shouldn’t have asked, he really shouldn’t have, but one, he was beyond concerned about Dean and Sam’s welfare and two, he just wanted to know about Dean. “John.” Sam spoke quietly, getting up and crawling on to Mr. Novak’s lap. He was stunned for a blunt second, but then he quickly recovered. Cas remembered Gabe mentioning something about John, and his stomach drawled in. “Wha-” 

Dean came back out and he immediately cut off, and Dean pulled back. “Wow, he must like you.” Dean murmured, handing the blanket to Sam and putting the pillow on the other side of the couch. Sam crawled off Cas’s lap and went and curled up on the pillow. Dean sighed and gripped his aching stomach, feeling his head throb. Suddenly he remembered that Cas had come from the restaurant. “I’m so sorry,” Dean apologized, realizing how much he’d messed up. “You haven’t even eaten dinner and I took you away from-” “Dean,” Cas’s voice was low and soft, adding a level of comfort to Dean. “Don’t worry about it. I can eat whenever.” Dean awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, feeling like he was going to cry.

“I guess you should get goin-” “I don’t have a car, but I can have my brother pick me up tomorrow morning… if that’s okay?” Relief went through both of their minds, and Dean settled down. “That’s more than okay.” Dean blushed a deep red color. “Then you can sleep on my bed, and I can sleep on the couch.” Cas shrugged. “I’m fine wherever, Dean.” Dean went over and checked on Sam and saw that he had fallen back asleep, and he sighed happily. “I’m sorry. He gets these nightmares.” 

Cas couldn’t help it. He had to ask. “Dean, are you a father?” Dean clenched his jaw and Cas could tell that he struck a chord in Dean. “Yes.” Dean responded, but then quickly shook his head. “But no. I’m not. Sam’s my brother.” Cas was now confused as hell. “Why… are you taking care of him?” Dean shook his head. “Too long of a story. Don’t want to talk about it.” But Cas certainly did want to talk about it.

“Dean, is someone hurting you?” Dean tensed up, biting his bottom lip to the point he had broken the skin and he could taste blood. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Dean turned his back, but Cas stood up, grabbed his shoulders, and turned him around. “Dean.” Cas’s voice was raw and Dean’s knees almost gave out at the sound. “Please, please trust me. I can help you… both of you.”

Dean cleared his throat. “Maybe there have been some troubles in the family.”


	9. Ain't that the way of the whole damn thing... Oh, trying to be something more

Dean sat on the couch with his throat uncomfortably swelling with his sudden confession. He wasn’t ever going to tell anyone that; he was going to take Sammy as soon as he finished high school and go somewhere far, far away. He wanted to get out, but now here he was, voicing how hard his life had been to, nonetheless, the teacher he had a stupid crush on. Maybe he was going to die in that moment.

“Like… like what?” Dean looked down at Sammy. “Just…” He could barely even talk; his mind was screaming at him to stop, to stop talking right this instant and run because that’s all he’s ever known, but something willed him to stay. “My mom died about a month after Sam was born, and my father-” He shuttered to call that man his own family. “-didn’t take it well.” Cas grabbed Dean’s wrist and dragged him down on the couch with him. “Dean has your father ever hurt you?” Dean looked the other way towards Sam, not opening his mouth. 

“Dean, you can answer me. You’re completely safe here.” Dean swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to stop the tears from even filling his eyes. “Dean…” Cas tried to talk as softly and as calmly as he could- he just wanted Dean to open up so he could help. “Did your father leave that bruise on you earlier this week?” Dean, still looking the other way, nodded before he could even think about what he should answer with. Cas drawled in a sharp breath.

Everything suddenly made sense; this was why Dean lived with his little brother in a small apartment, and why he had a job, and why he was always bruised and always looking so hurt. “You shouldn’t have to do this by yourself Dean. You don’t deserve this.” This caught Dean’s attention and he turned his head to face him. “What?” Dean asked again, knowing that he couldn’t have heard that correctly. Sam didn’t deserve this, no, but Dean definitely did.

“Dean, you don’t deserve this.” Dean shook his head, raising his hands to his eyes and pressing down. Sam shifted and Dean suddenly turned his attention to him and sighed deeply. “That’s questionable.” Dean muttered, picking Sam up and bringing him into his own room. He tucked him into bed and gave the child one last glance before he sighed and looked back towards the door. He opened the door and locked eyes with a, now standing and frankly towering over Dean, Cas. “What do you mean ‘questionable’?” Cas’s voice was deep and a little threatening, making Dean pull back. Cas reached forward and closed Sam’s door, expectantly looking at Dean.

“I-I… I just-” “Don’t you dare ever think that!” Cas hissed putting his arms on either side of Dean’s body and pushing him against the wall. “Why would you even think that about yourself, Dean?!” He sounded angry, but Dean thought it didn’t quite sound the angry that his father would get. There was so much concern and worry and it made Dean dizzy with confusion and warmth. “You’re amazing, Dean! You’re smart and you’re one of the best father's I have ever seen and you’re cute and your freckles make me want to ki-” Cas suddenly cut himself off, shaking his head. He probably shouldn’t have said that.

Dean, however, felt like he was going to cry. He could see the raw emotion of caring in his eyes and he hadn’t felt that… honestly, forever. He couldn’t even remember his own mother looking at him with those eyes. “You… Dean, you shouldn’t even think you deserve a life like this. You deserve so, so much more and I hope that one day you get it.” ‘I could give it to you’, thought Cas. 

Dean looked down and realized how close Cas had gotten as they were talking and a shiver climbed up Dean’s back. Dean could feel Cas’s breath on his lips, and all of Dean’s fears and worries practically flew out of his body. His thoughts halted and froze and all he could pay attention to were Cas’s lips. “Dean you’re just- you deserve so much and you don’t have it,” Cas was rambling but that was fine because Dean’s sole focus was on the way Cas’s lips moved.

“And Dean, I swear you make me wanna scream you’re so hurt and all I want to do is help you and be with you-” That was all Dean heard, and that was all it took for him to lose control of his thoughts. The next thing they knew, Dean leaned up and pressed his lips to Cas’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading guys :)


	10. Nobody's gonna love you if you can't display your way to capture this

It was a mistake, according to Dean. He knew he shouldn’t have been kissing him, he knew it, but he couldn’t help it. His eyes fluttered shut and left Cas almost shocked. However, it was practically a fraction of a second before Cas melted into the kiss. Cas’s arms almost immediately fell down to Dean’s waist and pulled him as close as he could; he could actually feel the tension leaving Dean’s body as he kneaded his hands into his lower back. 

Dean pulled back slightly, feeling Cas pull in a deep breath as he opened his eyes. “We shouldn’t-” Cas shook his head, pressing his lips against Dean’s again. “I know.” He whispered out, still leaning forward and repeatedly brushing his lips across Dean mouth. Dean opened his eyes and looked up at Cas’s eyes. “You…” Cas pulled back to listen, with his arms still wrapped around Dean’s waist. “You aren’t mad?” Dean’s voice was soft and cautious, and Cas furrowed his eyebrows. “Why would I be mad?” He asked gently, moving his hands up Dean’s back to the back of his head. “Well, because I…” Dean trailed off and blushed a deep red color, and Cas almost cooed at how cute it was. “I kissed you.” Dean’s voice dropped about three decibels and Cas was lucky he even heard.

Cas cleared his throat, taking a deep breath. “Dean, I can’t be mad at you for doing something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.” The truth was out, and Cas couldn’t feel more relieved at the look on Dean’s face. “Me? You wanted to kiss me?” Dean sounded unbelieving and Cas felt sad that Dean’s self confidence was so low. “Yes, Dean. I wanted to kiss you. A lot, actually. I still want to kiss you.” Dean’s stomach did a somersault and his heart practically stopped.

“You’re such a good kid, Dean. Your grades are tip top, you’re a great father… and brother, and god, your personality is just great and-and I want to help you. I really want to help you.” That struck Dean in an odd way- was he there just to help Dean? Did he want to take Dean up as a charity case? He tried not to look at it that way, because honestly, this meant so much to him. He couldn’t believe that he had someone like this. Dean’s eyes filled up with tears and he angrily lifted his hand and wiped at them.

“Sorry,” He mumbled, looking down at his feet. Cas leaned forward and put his thumb on Dean’s chin and lifted his face so he could look into his eyes. “Don’t ever be sorry. In fact, I’m sorry, that this is what you have. I want to make a difference in your life, if you’ll let me.” Dean blinked the tears out of his eyes and a wistful, yet hopeful smile perked up on Dean’s lips. “Do you trust me?” Cas asked with a strong voice, biting his lip and looking down into the eyes of the boy he’d come to care so deeply about.

“Okay. I trust you.” And that was only the first step to healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took awhile and it's short haha, but I'll continue it soon! Thanks for reading!


	11. Nobody's gonna hold your hand and guide you through

Dean sat in his desk, doodling pictures on his paper while he listened to Cas talk. It had been a couple weeks since the whole kiss and apparently, Cas decided that he was going to take Dean under his wing. As much as Dean loved it, he felt like a burden every time Cas checked up on him. At first it was weird going from Mr. Novak to Cas, but the more he says it, the more he loves the feeling it gives him. 

“Class dismissed.” Dean’s head snapped up and everybody was out of the room in a blink. Dean lazily packed his stuff up and made his way over to Cas’s desk where he sat and wrote some notes down. 

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Dean asked, sitting on the desk next to Cas’s hand and Cas looked up at him. “Nothing much,” Cas yawned and leaned back, stretching his back. “I was thinking about dinner tonight. What do you want?”

Dean thought for a second and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t really care. So you’re coming over tonight?” Dean asked, hesitant for a second because sometimes Cas would just pop in without a single word. “Yeah, we haven’t had dinner in awhile at your place.”

Sam and him had frequented Cas’s apartment on the weekends. Dean thought back and it had been awhile since Cas had gone to his. “You guys need anything?” Cas snapped Dean out of his thoughts and Dean shook his head. “We’re good. I got paid last week so we’ll be good.” Cas looked up at Dean and smiled.

“I missed you last night.” Cas stood up, now eye level with Dean. Dean felt a blush climb his neck to his cheeks. “Yeah, it was a little weird that Ellen had me work yesterday. Thursdays aren’t my day to come in.” He shrugged and Cas leaned forward so Dean could feel his breath on his lips. “Maybe we can make up the lost time tonight?” 

Dean’s heart jumped into his throat as Cas gingerly pressed his lips onto his. He quickly pulled back, however, leaving Dean wide eyed. The farthest they had gone was kissing, maybe a little making out, but something about this left Dean’s stomach fluttering with butterflies. He promptly shook them away and responded.

“If you’re lucky.” Dean hopped down from his desk, gave him a quick pat on the chest and turned to walk out the door. “See you tonight!”

~

“Sammy,” Dean called out as he got off the couch to go answer the door. “Cas is here!” Sam ran out into the living room and into his brother’s awaiting arms and they went to go get the door together. Cas opened the door before they could get there, and as soon as Sam saw him, he squealed and wriggled out of Dean’s arms.

“Sam!” Cas exclaimed, kneeling down to pick the boy up as he ran to him. “Hi Cas.” Sam muttered into his shoulder and Dean laughed. “I made some lasagna and a salad.” Cas walked over to Dean and pecked his cheek, setting Sam down on the ground so he could get dinner set up.

Dean and Sam helped set the table while Cas got all the food out and they all sat down. “How was your day, Sam?” Cas asked with a listening ear and Dean couldn’t help but smile as he watched them interact. It was like they were the family that Dean and Sam never got. They laughed and ate and just enjoyed each other’s company because honestly, they were all they had.

Dinner winded down and Dean collected the plates and put them in the sink while Sam begged Cas to give him a cookie from on top of the fridge. “I dunno, we should ask your dad.” Sam ran over and clutched onto Dean’s leg. “Please, please, PLEASE, can I have a cookie? I’ll share one with Cas.” 

Dean looked over and smiled at Cas, who gave him the puppy dog eyes along with Sam. “Alright, alright.” Sam cheered and ran over to Cas who leaned up and grabbed the cookie jar and shared a cookie with Sam.

“Now that you’ve had your cookie you can go brush your teeth and get your jammies on. Yell for me when you’re ready to get into bed.” Sam reluctantly followed Dean’s orders and ran off to the bathroom. Cas turned to Dean with a smile on his face. “Now that we’re alone for a little while-” Dean cut him off by grabbing his neck and pulling his lips to his.

Cas grumbled into his mouth but Dean didn’t really care what he said. Cas rubbed his hands up and down Dean’s back and decided to slip his hands up Dean’s shirt and grab him by the waist. Cas’s hands stopped when he felt the lump on Dean’s back and his flinch. He pulled back immediately.

“What’s this?” He questioned gently, and Dean cringed. “Nothing.” Dean quickly brushed his hands off and him off all together, hopping off to go see Sam. Cas followed behind, carefully watching how Dean moved and noticed a limp that he hadn’t seen before. “Shit,” Cas cursed softly, rubbing his eyes. 

“Goodnight Sammy!” Dean tucked Sam in and Cas gave his wave. “Sweet dreams, Sam.” Cas gently set his hand on Dean’s shoulder, pulling him off the bed and standing. They went and shut the door, and Dean awkwardly made his way over to the couch.

Cas sat next to Dean on the couch, heaving a sigh. He leaned over and pressed his lips against Dean’s forehead and slipped his hands up his shirt, helping him take it off. “Turn around.” Cas demanded, and Dean closed his eyes as he turned around and showed Cas his bruised back.

Cas gasped as dark purple and blue colors were laid out like fireworks on Dean’s lower back and he sat back, astonished. “Why did you go back?” Dean winced as Cas’s voice sounded like he had been betrayed. Dean shook his head. “I needed a baby pictures of Sam for his class. So I went and I grabbed all the pictures and I thought I was in the clear but he caught me at the last second and fucking beat me senseless.” Dean was becoming angry and Cas set his arms on his shoulders.

“Please, Dean, please can we call the police? It’s been so long and you said last time-” “No, Cas! He’ll kill me! Or worse, he’ll kill Sam! What if he knows about you, too? What if he’s been following us and fuck-” 

“Shh,” Cas shushed him with a soft, calm voice knowing that he had to be the adult in this situation. “Everything is okay, Dean.” Dean shook his head, trying to shake off the memories. “It’s okay. We’re here and we’re safe, yes?” Dean nodded his head but Cas wouldn’t take that. “Respond to me with your voice, Dean.”

It took a second, but finally he responded with a soft voice. “Y-yes.” Cas smiled and tilted his chin up. “We’ll talk about it later. Wanna watch a movie?” Dean couldn’t help but let a smile pop onto his lips. “Yeah, that sounds really nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i suck omg


	12. No it's up to you to understand

“What day is graduation?” Ellen yelled from the kitchen and Dean shrugged. He really didn’t know, but he probably should. Cas said that on graduation day they would go look for their new apartment together in Colorado, which was something that was keeping him going. 

“Like a month. I don’t really know.” Ellen rolled her eyes from the kitchen. Dean was puttering around, cleaning up tables and asking his customers if they were okay. He was bored and Sam was already asleep in the back room so he didn’t even have to worry about him. It didn’t help that he was so tired he couldn’t even think straight because he hadn’t been sleeping.

“You are no help!” 

Dean couldn’t help but move on from the conversation, and he made his way into the kitchen. “There’s barely anybody here, do you think I could maybe go home?” Dean asked softly and Ellen sighed. “I know, it’s been a really slow Wednesday. Grab Sam and head on out: just know that tomorrow will probably be busier and I pay by the hour.” Dean laughed and went to grab his jacket, but he was interrupted by Jo bursting into the kitchen.

“Dean, Dean-” The urgency in her voice sent an indescribably fear into his body. “Your father just walked in. You need to leave now.” Ellen looked over at Dean and the panic in her eyes frightened Dean even more. Jo grabbed his jacket and gave Dean a hug. “I’m gonna go stall him so he won’t come back.”

Jo went out there and he could hear the gruff voice of his father saying, “Where is that boy?” Dean practically sprinted into the back room and grabbed Sam, shushing him to make sure he wouldn’t make any noise. 

“It’s a long way to drive to see if Dean’s here. He’s not. I don’t know where he is now.” Jo responded and Dean was beyond grateful. He parked in the employee parking lot behind the restaurant so he didn’t have to cross his father’s eyesight.  
“Bye baby, be safe. Don’t go home tonight, go somewhere else. Maybe Cas’s. He’ll look at ours. Lock up behind yourself.” Ellen kissed Dean’s cheek and pushed him out the door. Dean rushed to the car and strapped Sam into his kiddie seat. “Daddy? What’s going on?”

Dean gently patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. I think we’re gonna go to Cas’s tonight.” Dean flinched because he hated dropping in on people and he didn’t have his phone so he didn’t even warn him. His house was just too close though and his father may see the Impala if he drove by. At least Cas was about fifteen minutes away from the restaurant and he had private parking. That meant there was no threat from his father.

He started the car and left as fast as he possibly could without drawing too much attention to himself. Thoughts were running a million miles through his head. Why had his father driven over more than an hour to look for Dean? He told Dean over and over again that he never wanted to see him again and Dean was just a mistake, so why would he come looking for him?

The fear was gnawing on the back of his mind for the whole fifteen minute ride, and he couldn’t even turn the radio on to drown out his thoughts due to the fear of waking Sam up. When he could finally see Cas’s apartment building he felt a little better. 

He got out of the car and picked Sam up, holding him close to his body as his nerves made him shake. He was so nervous and so sorry to be knocking on Cas’s door at ten o’clock at night without any warning. He really hated going to Cas’s when he was emotionally vulnerable or scared and he avoided it at all costs, especially out of nowhere.

He slowly walked up to Cas’s door and hesitated when he finally got there. He thought he could just drag himself to the door and leave, but he know if he went home, his dad would be looking around for him. As soon as he saw the Impala he would know Dean was living there. He set his knuckles on the door and tapped gently, knowing that Cas couldn’t hear something that quiet. 

He could hear some commotion in there and when he listened closer, he thought he could hear Gabriel’s voice. Dean closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, stepping back from door. “I should go,” He whispered, more to himself than anyone else. He turned around on his foot, planning to turn around, but suddenly the door open and Dean was left in the light from Cas’s apartment.

“Dean?” Gabe asked and Dean froze up. “Uh, well, um-” “What?” Cas asked and peeked his head out, and when he saw it was Dean, his eyebrows scrunched. “Dean?” He stepped out in front of Gabe. “What’s wrong?” Concern promptly crossed his face and Dean’s bottom lip wobbled. 

“Uh, w-well, uh- nevermind, noth… nothing.” Dean turned around to go back to his car but Cas grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. “I… I’m sorry to inter-interrupt.” Gabe took a step towards him. “You aren’t interrupting. What’s wrong?” Gabe reached over and grabbed the sleeping Sam out of Dean’s arms and went into the apartment, leaving Cas and Dean alone. 

“I-I… I, um, w-well, I just…” He trailed off and really couldn’t think of anything to say. He didn’t want to tell the truth because he was so embarrassed and nervous, but he knew if he lied Cas would just be confused. Cas was already confused, though.

“Why do you keep stumbling over your words? Just how tired are you?” Dean shook his head and Cas sighed gently. Dean exhaled and leaned into Cas, wrapping his arms around his body. “Are you sleeping here tonight?” Cas asked smoothly, and Dean nodded, hiding his face in Cas’s chest. Cas shut the door behind them and found Gabe tucking Sam under blankets on the couch.

“Thank you, Gabe.” Dean spoke tenderly, and Gabe smiled. “Of course Dean. I’ll see you guys later, okay?” They said their goodbyes and soon Gabe was gone, and Dean was curled up in Cas’s bed. Cas went and checked on Sam one more time after cleaning the kitchen up after Gabe and himself. 

“You okay baby?” Cas slipped under the covers and settled in next to Dean. “No.” Dean mumbled, desperately wanting to melt into Cas’s body but blushed at the thought. “What happened?” Cas opened his arms and Dean responded immediately by sinking into him.

“My father showed up at work today looking for me.” Dean buried his face in Cas’s neck, just wanting to be close to him. He felt Cas’s body tense and his breath hitch, and he worried for a second that he had done something wrong. “Is that why you came? Because you’re scared to go home?” Dean nodded.

“This is your home too. I’m worried you were going to leave… did you think I wasn’t going to let you in?” Dean nodded again, tears pricking the back of his eyes. “I… Nervous to show up unannounced…” Dean barely made sense, but Cas got some of it. “You don’t ever need to be nervous around me. You know I’d let you stay with me forever.” 

Dean lifted his hand and put it in Cas’s hair, a gesture to show how much love he had. “Maybe you should just live here anyway. You wouldn’t have to pay rent and we could put Sam’s bed in my office.” Dean pulled back at that.

“You asking me to move in with you?” Dean’s words were a little slurred and Cas laughed a bit. “Maybe when you’re well rested I’ll ask again.” Dean settled back into Cas. “It’ll get us ready for when we move to Colorado.” Dean couldn’t help but smile because he would be far away from his father and close to the man he loved.

“I’m in love with you, Cas.” Cas’s heart stopped. “What?” Cas’s stomach filled with butterflies and he was so surprised by Dean’s tired confession. “I’m so in love with you it hurts.” Dean murmured and Cas pulled back. “No way. You just sleepily confessed your love for me. I thought it was gonna be way more complicated than this.” Dean laughed, even though he didn’t quite know what he was laughing at he was so tired. 

“I love you too, if you couldn’t guess.” Cas pressed a sweet kiss on Dean’s cheek. “But I think I love you more.” Dean was delirious and Cas couldn’t help but laugh. “You are too cute. I’m gonna tell you in the morning how much I know you love me.” Dean nodded, and he pressed a kiss to Cas’s lips and snuggled into the blankets to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm terrible love you guys


	13. Say all that you have to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it's short but i'm still terrible and still love you

Dean woke up pressed against something warm and soft and when his eyes fluttered open, he was greeted by Cas’s sleeping body. Dean’s face was nuzzled into Cas’s torso and his arms were wrapped firmly around him. Dean couldn’t remember a lot from last night because the panic had settled in and he was just so worked up it was hard for him to remember. He did remembering coming to Cas’s, though, and how scared he was. He also remembers how safe Cas makes him feel.

“Cas,” Dean grumbled, trying to shake himself out of his arms. Cas mumbles something in response and Dean laughs. “Cas I have to go check on Sammy.” Cas reluctantly lets go and Dean sits up in bed, rubbing his eyes. It was 6:30 AM and school started at 8, so he had more than enough time. He yawned and swung his legs out of bed, stretching as he opened the door to the living room. Sammy was curled up on the couch, under blankets and sleeping peacefully.

Dean sighed in relief, and spun on his heels back into Cas’s room. 

“What time’s it?” Cas’s words were slurred with drowsiness because he stayed up last night longer than he would admit to look at and feel Dean in his arms. “6:30… we have like a half an hour.” Cas opened his arms up, inviting Dean to snuggle back in. Dean gladly accepted the invitation and hopped back into bed, setting his hands on Cas’s chest.

“You told me you love me last night.” Cas finally opened his eyes to look down at a now nervous Dean. “No way… did I?” The red blush that covered his face was priceless. Cas laughed a little bit and lifted thumb and stroked his cheek.

“You certainly did. Right after I asked you to move in with me.” Dean froze up at that. “You did?” Dean pressed his face into Cas so he couldn’t see the blush or the smile. “I did… it’s safer, I would love to spend every night with you, no rent would be amazing, Sam has a room here, I just… I love you, Dean. Please?”

“Yes.” Dean whispered against Cas, and he couldn’t help the smile that bloomed onto his face. “Sammy’s gonna be so excited.” Cas pulled back and pressed his lips to Dean’s. “Can you believe we’ve been together for six months?” Cas mused to him, and Dean nodded. “I can believe it only because I was crushing for you for so long and promised myself if I ever got the chance to be with you, I would never give it up.” Dean admitted and Cas couldn’t help his heart from swelling.

“That’s so cute,” Cas kissed Dean’s forehead. “I know, I’m a hopeless romantic.”

~

“Sammy baby it’s time to go to school.” Dean shook Sam gently and the groan that came out of his mouth made Dean laugh. “Cas made pancakes for brea-” Dean didn’t even have to finish the sentence before Sam shot off the couch and into the kitchen, into his normal seat. “Goodmorning.” Cas laughed as he brought his plate over and set it on the table.

“Sam what would you think about coming to live here with your dad?” Cas asked gently, treading lightly due to the riskiness of the question. Sam looked up, confused. “We live here already?” Dean and Cas knowingly looked at each other, and Dean smiled. “I guess that’s a yes.” 

“Let’s go get dressed for school buddy, come on. We have some clothes in your new room.”


	14. Is there a right way for being strong?

Cas woke up with a start. It took a minute to have the fog clear up, but once it did, he understood exactly why he woke up. Dean was tossing and turning, shaking the bed to the point where he couldn’t go back to sleep.. Cas reached up and rubbed his eyes for a second, and then sat up in bed.

“Dean,” He groaned, reaching forward to turn on the light. He squinted to see, and was surprised when he saw Dean, flushed a dark red and stained with tears. Worry settled in his stomach and he turned his body towards Dean.

“Hey, hey,” Cas started with a small, gentle voice but when Dean didn’t respond, it clicked. He was having a nightmare. Cas knew he wasn’t supposed to wake somebody up during a bad dream, and the looks of Dean face made it pretty clear that he was indeed having a bad dream. 

Cas stood up and stretched his back, going to get a glass of water for Dean when he wakes up. He puttered around for a bit, silently hoping that Dean would be finished with his nightmare and he could go back to sleep. When he went back to bed though, it was apparent that was not the case.

Dean was mumbling in his sleep, and although Cas couldn’t hear the whole thing, he got bits and pieces. He heard Sam’s name, and he heard Dad, but that was about all he could get. He decided he had to end this.

“Dean,” Cas nudged him softly, but to no avail, Dean continued to talk and move in his sleep. “Dean.” He tried with more assertiveness, yet still trying to speak as gently as possible. 

Dean mumbled something incoherent, and Cas just sighed. “Dean, honey, wake up!” He exclaimed, and finally Dean’s eyes opened. He reached up and grabbed his chest, sitting up straight in bed. He looked around, fear in his eyes, until he saw Cas. A little pang of love went through Cas’s heart when Dean’s eyes softened.

“I-I’m sorry, Cas I just-” Cas shushed him softly. “It’s okay, Dean. Are you okay?” Cas asked, and Dean shrugged. “I-I dunno… I haven’t had a nightmare like that in awhile. I guess it’s just nerves from graduation coming up.” Cas rubbed his shoulders. “What was it about?” A shiver went up Dean’s back.

“I-it was John… and I mean, you can pretty much get it from there.” Dean did not want to mention that Cas was there too. It was too much right now. “Just the usual? Nothing else?” When Dean had nightmares, it usually wasn’t like this. This time seemed worse. 

Dean hesitated for a second and that’s when Cas knew it was more. Cas reached his hand out and rested it on Dean’s waist, pulling him down. “You can tell me anything, Dean.” Cas whispered, rubbing his side gently. 

“I know.” Dean murmured, gritting his teeth. “I just… don’t want to. It was all a little too much.” Cas huffed out in a little bit of annoyance, but he could still understand. He just wish Dean would talk to him more than he does. 

“That’s okay. We’ll talk about it later.” Cas turned the light off and snuggled back in with Dean, hoping that he would at least hint at what his dream was actually about in the morning.


	15. Chapter 15

Dean finished moving the last of his things into Cas’s apartment. He was not freaked out at all, surprisingly. Everything seemed normal, and Cas was off with Sammy in the kitchen singing some stupid song that he learned at Daycare. This was where he wanted to be. There was literally not where on the whole entire Earth where Dean would rather be.

“Dean?” Cas called and Dean hopped into the kitchen. Sammy ran forward and grabbed Dean’s legs, trying to pull himself up. Dean laughed as Cas leaned over and gave Dean a kiss on the cheek. They had been happy for awhile and today was the day they officially moved in. Dean’s lease was up, and here they were, all together.

Dean had an increased amount of nightmares, though. This time it would not only involve his father, but Cas as well. He would dream that John would get to Cas and tell him everything and Cas would leave him. He would wake Cas up every time too so that made him feel so much worse. 

Tonight he was hoping it would be different though. He would sleep through the night because he was finally away from that apartment, from that house, from his bad father, and finally somewhere safe.

Graduation was in a week and although Dean had already moved, they were looking for a house out in Colorado. Dean had some friends out there and Cas had always loved the mountains, so they decided to go there. They also had nothing to lose. Cas’s lease was up in four months so they had already begun to look for houses.

They still tried to keep their distance at school and they went separately, knowing that they could get in trouble, but they weren’t too worried. Dean was nineteen and they were already moving, and Cas had already told them that he wasn’t going back next year.

Everything seemed right. This night was the first night they had together as a real family. Cas made dinner, and they sat down and all ate together. Then they went and all snuggled on the couch and watched some Disney movie that Sam picked. Cas absentmindedly stroked his fingers across Dean’s skin, and Dean couldn’t stop the smile from coming to his face.

They put Sam to bed and they went to spend some more time alone together. That’s when there was a little bump.

They were in bed when Cas turned to Dean. 

“What are you dreaming about? These are worse than the others, I just… want to know. Maybe I can help.” Dean shrugged, swallowing thickly.

“I… It’s just John stuff. It’s not too bad.” Cas sighed, shaking his head. He leaned in to Dean, setting a hand on his neck.

“Please? Give me something?” Cas asked, and Dean got tired of his probing. Dean sighed, and simply leaned forward and pressed his lips to Cas’s. Cas grumbled in his mouth for a second, and Dean just pressed harder.

Cas gave in for what seemed like a second as Dean bit his bottom lip, making a groan come from Cas’s mouth. Dean slid his hand up Cas’s shirt, setting his cool palm on Cas’s warm stomach.

Dean’s other hand reached up and tangled his fingers in Cas’s hair, tilting his head back as he started to trail kisses down Cas’s jaw. 

“Dean,” Cas moaned, and Dean couldn’t tell if it was a ‘keep going’ or a ‘please, let’s talk about what you’re going through’ groan. So he continued on, settling his teeth in the fleshy part of Cas’s neck. Cas hissed and Dean could feel his fingers grip his wrist.

“You aren’t gonna get out of this.” Dean smiled into Cas’s neck, shaking his head. 

“We’ll see what I can get away with-” Cas shook his head, pulling back.

“As much as I’m not opposed to that right now, I really do want to talk about your nightmares. It’s been happening for a good couple weeks too.” Cas started, and Dean rolled his eyes.

“If I tell you can we get back to what we were doing?” Dean asked with a whine, rolling his eyes and Cas nodded. Dean took a deep breath.

“Well it’s pretty much the same things, like Sammy getting hurt or John hurting me but now it’s more about John getting to you and making you leave me because he tells you how terrible I am or what if he even hurts you? I dream about that a lot too, like I come back and you’re gone and I don’t know if it’s because John hurt you or John told you about all of this shit I’m dealing with or-” Cas cut his long-winded confession off.

“You’re dreaming of me leaving you?” Cas’s voice sounded almost betrayed and Dean felt guilt settle in his stomach.

“Well- a little bit-” “How can you not trust me? Dean, I would never do that to you. Ever. I know you’re scared, but you have to trust me. We’re living together. Sam is practically my son. I just want to be with you, but you have this fear of me leaving you and it will freak you out so much and make problems. We need to get over this.”

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. 

“Nothing John could ever tell me would make me leave you. Nothing you could ever say about your past could make me leave you. I’m really committed to you Dean, to us, to Sam, and I need you to know that. This is us now. It’s not just you, and it’s not just Sam. This is us.” 

Dean cleared his throat to keep the tears from forming in his eyes. “Okay, Cas. We can talk abou this. John just have me so wrapped around his little finger that I feel like he can snap at a single moment and everything I love will be gone.” 

Cas lunged forward and wrapped himself tightly around Dean. 

“Don’t ever think that. We can work past this, Dean. We can get through this and live our life.”

Dean nodded into Cas’s shoulder.

“That’s exactly what I want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where is this story going? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ thanks for sticking along!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi :) Thanks so much for reading! If people like it, I'll definitely continue. Thanks again! Much love-


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